Manhattan Community Needs Positive/Nurturing Role Models
by Michael T

As another year comes to a close and I am only a semester away from graduation, I look back at my college career. It was eleven years ago that I first began, a naive seventeen year old, moving away from home and beginning a journey to adulthood. Having come out when I was sixteen, and already having a boyfriend, I thought my high school ambition of being president of the gay/lesbian organization on campus a challenge. I hoped my college career would not only offer me an education for a career, but also help me in becoming more secure with whom I was.

I was fortunate to have a role model when I arrived at college. Carl was twenty-five, in ROTC, and acted as the voice for the bi/les/gay community on campus. While he was somewhat of an enigma to my friends and me (he was not into the bars and social scenes), I admired his convictions and wanted to be more like him. I doubt he ever knew how strong my admiration was, but I credit him for giving me the direction to achieving much in my life.

When I look around Kansas State and those whom I have met, I wonder if they will have the same opportunity. As young people come out, the foremost barrier is the invisibility and isolation. While there is support within the community for those struggling with their identity, I wonder if there is a next step for them. Once they are comfortable with their identity, then what? Is there anything beyond the parties and the socials?

The need for role models is clear. In my experiences, lesbians have a stronger sense of community, but gay men (bisexuals are still working on building a community and gaining acceptance) rarely have older people to learn from. Older men are usually ostracized at a certain age and labeled as "trolls" or looking to pick up younger men (a comment from an acquaintance attending a recent party reinforced this notion.)

So how are young people supposed to learn there is more than the bars and partying if there is no one to show them? How can they realize it is possible to have a long-term relationship when we rarely see them? (Hopefully the ruling in Hawaii will help with this.) A couple months ago, I discussed this with a man I know. If we aren't there as role models and offering more than just a social aspect, then we risk losing them (younger men) to the bars. On more than one occasion I have met a promising young man who gets caught up in the whole bar/social scene and loses his individuality. While it is difficult coming out, we should be looking to those who have and are living successful lives, rather than settling for only support. In my life, I have met men and women in relationships from ten to fifty years. I have met people who have been out before Stonewall and who have seen the bi/les/gay liberation movement and community grow from a thought to reality. All of these people have enriched my life and revealed to me that there is a lot more in life than just a bar.

So, another challenge lies before this community. Unless we take a more active role in our future by being out and standing as positive role models, we will need to focus on community building rather than community growth. Only through bridging generations can we learn not to repeat the same mistakes time and time again and learn about our culture and heritage. Only then will we gain a true sense of community.

Back to FHO Jan 97 Home Page