She Speaks
By Deb Taylor

I recently read that on May 22, a 15-year-old in Northampton, MA knifed to death a 16-year-old who had taunted him for years about (allegedly) being gay. The boy, Matthew Santoni, killed his unarmed classmate, Jeffrey LaMothe, in broad daylight and on a downtown sidewalk filled with trendy boutiques and restaurants.

Northampton, near Boston, is a cool college town with a strong gay community.  It’s a town that prides itself on being accepting of lesbigays. Needless to say, the killing has disturbed the town, mainly because many of its citizens didn’t realize that a child could be so severely gay-bashed in a Northampton school.
 
What I found particularly disturbing about the incident was the attitude of young Jeffrey’s father, Arthur LaMothe.  Arthur told the Associated Press that he did not know if Jeffrey had teased Matthew, but if Jeffrey was guilty of teasing, it would not surprise Arthur because “they're kids,” he said. “Boys will be boys.”

Boys will be boys.  I can imagine this man telling anyone who will listen that Jeffrey teased Matthew and Matthew wasn’t man enough to take it so he killed poor Jeffrey.  So, Arthur’s manly son was killed by the faggot-boy who snapped in the middle of the day.

This attitude is painfully disturbing to me because it seems to be the prevalent excuse among too many parents, school districts, and legislators.  They regularly miss the point; they seem programmed to focus on the wrong issue, that being the “boys will be boys” mentality.

Remember Jamie Nebonzy? Jamie is the teen who, in 1996, sued the Ashland, Wisconsin school district for failing to protect him from years of abuse from schoolmates. During Jamie's time in Ashland, students beat him, urinated on him and once even pushed him to the floor and acted out a mock rape. Jamie attempted suicide several times. His parents repeatedly begged school officials to protect him, but—get this—officials told them Jamie had to learn to expect such abuse because he is gay.  Again, boys will be boys.

At least Jamie’s story has a happy ending. The jury found three principals guilty of closing their eyes to the abuse Jamie went through and awarded him $900,000. More than that, he won a legal victory establishing that schools can be sued for failing to protect lesbigay students. (I’m unhappy to report that not all school districts got the message.)

So maybe we can conclude that Jamie took the high road and Matthew took the low road.  Jamie has a nice trust fund and Matthew now wears jail-orange one-piece outfits.

I think that what Matthew did was wrong, but I have a difficult time assigning a lot of blame to this kid. I know that 15 year olds know the difference between right and wrong, and they know that killing is wrong.  But I also think that reasoning can get pretty distorted for a 15-year-old kid who is constantly taunted (haunted?) by his peers.  He may know that killing is wrong, but he also knows that hurting others is wrong.  I believe that the taunting and teasing got so bad (how long can a person take having “faggot,” “homo,” and “queer” yelled a him?) that the boundaries of right and wrong became blurred and survival took over.  Matthew had enough.  He snapped.  He killed Jeffrey. I don’t perceive myself as a killer, but I believe that if I had a child who was brutally injured or raped, I am not certain I could take the “high road.”  Given the depth of cruelty some kids are experts at dishing out, I don’t know if I could have withstood the abuse Matthew suffered, either.

I don’t have any solid answers to kids victimizing other kids who might be gain.  My cynical self believes that these confused parents and administrators should heed the new warning: gay-bashing can get your kid killed.  Seriously, though, perhaps they should also reevaluate what they have taught their children about teasing and judging others.

I hope that all of us who are involved with young lesbigays (whether or not we are open about our own sexuality) continuously strive to help these young people to be less confused about themselves.   I hope we encourage them to explore their feelings and be proud of themselves and their identities at school, at home, and everywhere. As Jamie Nebonzy stated, “Being safe in school should not be a radical concept.''  They need our support.

Need resources? The P.E.R.S.O.N. Project (Public Education Regarding Sexual Orientation Nationally) web site contains (almost) everything you might need to know about lesbigaytrans equity organizing in k-12 public education in the USA. The site also contains resources for lesbigay youth. Check it out at: http://www.youth.org/loco/PERSONProject.

The P.E.R.S.O.N. Project is an informal, national network of organizations and individuals working to ensure that fair, accurate, and unbiased information regarding lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and about the nature and diversity of sexual orientation is presented to America's youth as part of public school education.
 

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