She Speaks
by Deb Taylor
Perhaps the most bittersweet news I heard from 1996 came around early December when a federal court jury found that three high school administrators in Ashland, WI violated the rights of former student Jamie Nebonzy. Long story short, Ashland officials agreed to pay $900,000 plus up to $62,000 in Jamie's potential medical expenses.
I’ve kept up with Jamie’s case ever since I heard about it in early 1996. Jamie is the student who, from middle school until he dropped out of high school, suffered years of abuse from fellow students. Jamie required surgery for many injuries he suffered during various attacks. One year, students performed a mock rape on him in front of an entire class. In another year, students pushed his head into a toilet and urinated on him.
The kicker in this situation is that, even though Jamie and his parents repeatedly asked school officials to discipline Jamie’s attackers, nothing happened. In fact, Jamie was told by one school official that he must learn to expect such treatment since he is gay.
I’ve thought long and hard about what incredible pain Jamie and his family must have endured during Jamie’s childhood; think of the emotional baggage Jamie must carry around with him today. I am happy to know that, throughout his childhood, Jamie’s parents stood by him. I feel sorry for kids like Jamie, and even worse for the kids who are still enduring or will endure this abuse in the future, and all without familial support.
Jamie stated he had hoped that by the time he got to high school, his peers would have outgrown their unreasoning hatred. Instead, he found he had been naive. "In high school, being gay is the worst thing you can possibly be," Jamie said in an interview shortly after the trial. He added: "Sometimes I thought I somehow deserved what was happening to me." What a sad statement on our society if our youth must conclude that incredible torture imposed on them by others is justifiable.
But I am not surprised by Jamie’s conclusions. Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund rightly notes that sometimes anti-gay messages are stated policy in school districts. The messages, in turn, reinforce violence against lesbigayt youth. Lambda quotes Arizona as an example. In Arizona, a statute governing HIV instruction in school districts includes the following: "No district shall include in its course of study instruction which: 1. Promotes a homosexual life-style. 2. Portrays homosexuality as a positive alternative life-style. 3. Suggests that some methods of sex are safe methods of homosexual sex."
Years ago, the Manhattan school district became a battlefield of the radical religious conservatives versus everyone else over sex education being taught to Manhattan eighth graders. The conservatives lost, but the fight was bitter and their message was clear: homosexuality is wrong and no attempt should be made to encourage homosexuality among our youth. Remembering the heated editorials in the Manhattan Mercury during this time, I do not doubt that the Manhattan school district includes many closeted youth who, in addition to dealing with normal growing-up pressures, are having to endure the psychological pain of being ostracized as homosexuals.
Jamie’s case has a (somewhat) happy ending. Even though he dropped out of school, he eventually obtained a GED. But during his tortured school years Jamie tried to kill himself several times. Experts say that nearly one third of all gay teens drop out of school. Other sources say that gay teenagers frequently encounter hostility or violence by family members and peers, and they are more likely to be victims of drug abuse and depression. One study that appeared in a 1989 U.S. Department of Health and Human Services report on gay teens estimated that they are two to three times more likely than other teens to attempt suicide.
Via the internet, I’ve become cyber-friends with a mother whose son endured high school abuse like Jamie’s but the outcome was not so positive. Gabi’s son Bill eventually committed suicide. In spite of the incredibly overwhelming support Bill received from his family and friends, the emotional abuse for Bill was too much to bear. Bill’s mother, who has become an activist for PFLAG and who now works diligently to educate people on homosexual youth suicide, has created a home page entitled "Portrait of a Son’s Suicide: Bill’s Story." You can read more about Bill and his family at http://members.tripod.com/~claytoly/Bills_Story.
I don’t know what we as a community can do to lessen the pain of our homosexual youth. I believe that Michael T is right on target in his editorial when he states that we need to be role models for young people. Many of us don’t come into daily contact with the high school (and under) crowd, but we know many KSU students. Perhaps many carry with them the emotional scars of recent abuse. As members of the community, perhaps we need to be more open about how we feel about ourselves and our sexuality, and strive to help others. Suicide is no longer a stranger to our town, as Penny’s editorial makes clear. Maybe at future gatherings we can spend a little time sharing our stories and telling each other where we’ve been and how we feel.